steal this loot

Oh, no. We just had this discussion.

On the facebook noted coolguy Christian Conkle asked for ideas as to what could be found in the loot sack of a post-apocalyptic ogre. I just wanted to save my response here:

75% of a bicycle, a copy of Dianetics translated into Esperanto, 3 empty cigar boxes, 14 cans of spam, a glowy box 3" per side, the left arm of an android, 16 pushbutton fires (like high tech sterno), the Mona Lisa rolled up and stuck in a length of PVC pipe, a dogcollar that translates dog sounds to simple human phrases ("Want food!" "Go outside!") with only 40% accuracy, a ballpoint pen with a small selector that allows one to write in 256 different colors, the pickled heart of Justin Bieber, a passcard that allows you to board the SS Elon Musk (a cruiseship style hovercraft presently at the bottom of Lake Ontario), a small animal-shaped robot that functions like a Tamagotchi, 3 bottles of 5Loco