Friday, July 12, 2019

Lost Tombs update

No game last weekend or this coming weekend, as I am travelling the highways and byways of America with my family.  I might be able to schedule a weekday session or two next week, though.  In the meantime, here's some more stuff from the previous nail-biting session.  First we have a full-color illo of Giuliano Pereira's character Coco the Cat Warrior:
This lovely pic is by Sam Mameli, who, in addition to being a great artist with a distinctive style, is also an all-around cool guy.  Need someone to illustrate your next big project?  Consider Sam.  Or at least check out his redbubble store.

Additionally, we have a report on the session by Maxim Golubchik's PC Edwin Cool:

Sup my hip cats. Y’all might be wondering what a fly guy like I is doing, standing on this street corner all covered in blood. Well wonder not my man! Before you stands Edwin Kool, the last man standing of the cult of Prynock-Drop-Kicks-Damrak. Here’s the skinny.

My and my gang worship Prynock - god of music, death, shepherds, and shepherds playing death metal. We heard through the grapevine that wererats had gotten their hands on the holy relics of the rocking god. Rats where? In the lost tombs! So I got the gang together and we went to the forest. Joining us was Little Albert, mageling in training, and a truly cool cat called Coco. That kitty worships a little thing called the Red Star. Not our god, but hey, why can’t we be friends? As long you’re not down with that devil Damrak you’re alright us.

Now we’d never seen this tomb before, but for Coco this was journey 2: electric boogaloo. That cat was clad in plate and armed with maps! He busted some doors down, but the locals weren’t down with unsolicited calls - they left a crossbow trap to make the point clear. We were at the wrong time in the right place, so Stinky Pete got a bolt to the face. Dude died with a grin - whadda way to go! 

Next room in we found the culprits - two tall ass yetis with pointy heads. But PDKD makes love, not war. Cause war, what is it good for? So I shouted “Stop, in the naaaaame of Prynock! Before you breeaaake our ribs!” Turns out the dudes were into breaking ribs. Sometimes it be like that. 

Well PKDK ain’t no strangers to death. We like it like that! Real quick six of ours and both of theirs all got to jam out with Prynock in the great beyond. Little A took a yeti leg, and we suggested grabbing that soft yeti fur - not like the yetis we’re using it anymore. Coco said no - we should come back for it later. I said man, that’s not how dungeons work. Nobody leaves all calm like, you’re always running away while screaming, but Coco wouldn’t budge.

After the argument we took a look around. Turns out the room was all torn apart by a giant crack, and if there’s one thing the gang is all about it’s crack. So the lot of us tied some ropes and got down on it. Halfway through what do we find? Rat tunnels! When you need him in a pinch your man Prynock comes through! 

My man Lump Bizkit took point, crawling with a torch in his mouth. First thing he found was a room full of bats - that freaked him out so bad dude shit his pants. And a few rooms later, when we met some eye guys upstairs? He got so freaked out he threw his shit at them! But Little A cast a charm person on the big man and that calmed everybody down. Coco offered to share a meal with our new friends - chowing down over centipede soup and yeti leg ain’t gonna hurt nobody.

So these guys had set up a jumpin’ little pad in the middle of the tomb. Since their entire heads were one giant eye they talked to each other by honking little clown horns! We didn’t know the honk code so we wrote messages instead. Turns out these clowns work for a guy named Space Bat Omega! Now that sounded like my kinda jam - space is the place! So the eye guys offered to introduce us.

Everybody did the hustle down a secret passage, where our friends gave a secret knock. And the inside of that pad was even nicer than the last - those eye guys have some real flair. Sweet tapestries everywhere, and in the middle were 24 sarcophagi, each with a letter. The last one opened up and out came a man-bat thing with big freaky bug eyes. The eye guys honked at him and he says sure, the new meat can join the cult. His voice was so foul I could feel my spine sliding strait out of my bum!

Well with everyone awful jittery, Coco freaked out. Shone that crazy red light of his straight into SBO’s eyes! Soon enough everybody was kung-fu fighting. Eye guys were stabbing, the gang were smacking, I messed up a turn undead, it was chaos. Little A found the door was stuck shut right before an eye guy stabbed his guts. Rock out Little A; Prynock’s got a place for you.

Coco finally wrestled that door open and we made a break for it. What did I say? Coco and I left that place running and screaming. When I finally turned around I found it was just the two of us - all my friends were dead.

So that’s my story. And by Prynock my friends, this will not stand. PDKD will have its revenge! So that’s why I’m here, talking to y’all in my time of need. I’ve got other cultists friends, but the lot of us are broke. Any spare GP helps guys, and when I go up their to meet Prynock I’ll put in a good word. Just as soon as we got some cash PDKD is coming back. Those space bats haven't seen the last of Edwin Kool and his gang!

The irrepressible Edwin

Monday, July 01, 2019

Lost Tombs, session #4

From the journal of Coco the Warrior Cat
(Terrible handwriting with all the typos you could possibly imagine)
Dear diary, today I almost died! But thankfully the Red Star has provided.

After my last rather uneventful foray into tombs, I found myself yearning to scratch the itch for gold.

I found 2 willing companions, or rather 1 companion and an entire cult. Yes dear diary, we somehow convinced over a 12 fools to throw their lives away [Maxim ran Joseph Manola's The Extras class -Jeff]. They seemed to worship some sort of false god, with its scriptures making some sort of allusion to what some humans would call WRESTLING.

Nevertheless, the fools proved worthy as they helped me carry my newly purchased armour until we reached the tombs themselves.

We traced back my last expedition, finding a measly trap (barely a graze on my lustrous plate mail, although it did kill one of the foolish cultists) which we quickly deactivated. Then on the room with the crack on the floor, we actually found a couple of Cone headed monstrosities. They were no match to my sword (and a mob of almost 20 fellas). Little Albert, the kind mage apprentice took one of the creature’s legs, for possible carnivorous ill-intentioned creatures beyond.

There we decided to check the hole which held the mould which almost killed me. The cultists seemed eager to find “wererats”, as if measly rats could amount to anything. They convinced us it was a great idea to crawl into a foul tunnel into the unknown. Dead diary, crawling over 100ft. in plate mail is not something I would wish upon my most dreary enemy.

Eventually we found ourselves at what we presumed was the second level of the dungeon. Bats swirled upon meeting our torchlight, scaring the cultists (one of them surely soiled it’s breeches). Within we found a set of doors and stairs going up. In the hopes of leaving here with our lives I suggested we go up and look for a path back to entrance. Upstairs an unfamiliar corridor led us to a room full of Eye headed armoured man, which weren’t very happy about my sudden entrance.

Little Albert then used his magic to charm the biggest of these fellas, whom took out a horn and sounded some sort of “cease-fire”. After “parlaying” with the creature they actually invited us for dinner, a bowl of squirming centipedes each. Little Albert used his amazing intellect to communicate with the creatures, mixing dirt and wine to create some sort of ink upon which they could write messages. The Eye people were able to understand us and healthy cultural exchange began.

The Eye people mentioned some sort of “Space Bat Omega”, motioning us to follow them. Thinking we had made some friends we followed suit. They led us back to the chamber beyond the tunnel, using their horns to tame the bats, then opening a set of secret doors. Soon enough, we found ourselves what we could only presume were the creature’s lair. 24 sarcophagi with strange letters adorned this room, upon which one opened on our arrival.

Dear diary, it saddens me to say, but I think I might have soiled my pants at that point. A gaunt bat headed creature (wearing only a loin cloth) rose from the sarcophagus, it’s eyes like that of bugs. Hanging from it’s ears were a set of dangling earrings. We could not gaze at it for long before IT spoke. Oh my dead Red Star, it’s voice shook my entire body, my teeth rattled and my tail felt like it wanted to snake away from my body. Around the room we were surrounded by dozens of Eye people, some even had guns! They talked with their master, about which I assume was some sort of foul ritual we were going to be a part of.

We had to escape. I whispered to the cultists that I could use my holy lantern to distract the creature while we ran, but they were actually eager to throw their lives away (fools). I pointed my lantern at the Creature’s eyes, and just like the stories my people told, the Red Star provided! It blinded the Creature momentarily, the stream of light reflecting at it’s eyes, spiralling out of control. While the cultists launched their suicide attack, me and Little Albert ran for the door (which the damn creatures had locked). We struggled to open it while fighting back the Eye people. When I managed to open the doors I looked back only to glimpse one of the creature run their blade through Little Albert. He wouldn’t make it out alive.

Surprisingly, as I was running back to the tunnels, one of the cultists actually showed up! They managed to fight whatever was that thing and ran away! Thankfully the creatures had some sort of aversion to the tunnels, lagging behind us, giving us our only hope of escape.

Through what I assume was most strenuous amount of running I ever did, we both managed to reach the stairs back to the surface.

As I write this in my warm bed, I can only scarcely believe that I breath. No alcohol tonight, as I fear I might hear IT’s voice again.

The Last Cultist's map (done using Google spreadsheet)

Little Albert's maps, somehow miraculously recovered