As the holiday season approaches I find myself forced to think about buying gifts for people who don't appreciate the finer things in life: action figures, comic books, games, etc. Instead, some of my relatives follow perverse hobbies like country line dancing or spectator sports. I know almost nothing about sports. The only times ESPN is on at myself are for sumo wrestling and championship poker, the only two sports practiced by guys just as fat as I am. So what should a normal person like myself buy these deviant sports fans? I don't follow their teams or their sports. Fortunately, a brilliant entrepeneur has developed a solution to my difficulties: City Name Sports Team brand merchandise. Now innocents such as myself can be shielded from peering into the dark, depraved world of spectator sports, for we no longer need to know a specific team or sport in order to buy Christmas gifts for our degenerate sports-watching relatives.
Sure, one could argue that I am encouraging these dark athletic urges by buying them City Name Sports Team T-shirts. But what am I supposed to do? Get them a gift card to IAmATotalLoserWhoLivesVicariouslyThroughMillionaireAthletes.com?
And don't even get me started about country line dancing.
The preceding post was a joke. Mostly.
If somebody wanted to buy me a City Name hat for Xmas, that would be cool.
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