Saturday, March 13, 2021

An Answer to a Question No One Asked

 What is going on under wizards' robes?

Zardeth and Ogeode are the wizards from the Crystar toy/comic line. 
Under their robes you find pants with belts and matching knee-high boots.
Very classy. 8/10

Kelek and Ringelrun from the AD&D toyline wear belts, jewelry, 
short boots (or maybe Italian shoes), and nasty, tattered onesies.
Buy some new underwear, guys! 3/10

I swear to Grodd, this is an Emperor Palpatine figure. 
Apparently under his robes he dresses as some sort of bondage pervert.
That sounds about right to me. 6/10

Gandalf wears a whole civilian outfit under his robes.
Stylish, but seems like too many layers.
Too hot and cumbersome for balrog-fighting. 4/10

Other times he goes full commando.
Nice boots, dude. 10/10


  1. This question was asked (and answered) in one of the early DragonLance novels ("Test of the Twins," if I remember correctly).

    The answer was: "Very little."

  2. This whole post pleases me beyond the point of articulate thought.

  3. Peter Jackson, stickler for detail, had Sir Ian McKellan on a brutal, Hemsworth-like workout regime to attain the exact abs & torso that action figure was modelled on. It is a credit to Sir Ian's dignity that he didn't post up a series of thirst trap shirtless workout videos.

  4. Heh. Even though she's a cleric, I think AD&D's Mercion and her chainmail catsuit should deserve an honorable mention. (She certainly wasn't a disappointment, back in '83/imminent puberty...)