Friday, November 03, 2017

Vaults of Vyzor #24: rescue the dead


  • Pitwin Spryneedle, gnome (Mick Kuntz)
  • Hugbert the Bold, jerk (NPC hireling)
  • Ilse Raagenkampf-Sleet, LotFP specialist (Perttu Vedenoja)
  • Maria de Parma, fighter (Giuliano Pereira)
  • Lars Hootman, owl-man (Ian Reilly)
  • Sapphean Gratchit, blue mage (Josh Rapp)
  • Balphazad the Befuddled, magic-user (NPC hireling)
(report by Nick Kuntz)

To: Mister Barnabus Sleet
c/o The Jarrod Memorial Library

From: Master Pitwin Spryneedle

Dear Mister Barnabus Sleet,

Good morning, sir. Do not be confused as the Halfling delivering this missive and the unused potion of spider climb is, in fact, your fellow librarian know previously as Magic Meryl. Know, too, that she continues to want to be known as Magic Meryl (even though, I am sad to say, I detect no magical abilities residing in her reincarnated form).

As you know, sir, my parents are currently under the heel of the Red Hand Orcs somewhere in the Vaults below Vyzor. I could not leave my teacher to also be lost to the dungeon. Pete Loudly, your fellow Octarine Belt Librarian, suggested that an emergency mission to retrieve Magic Meryl’s body for him to reincarnate could be performed in 13 days. Several of Vyzor’s adventures volunteer to help me in such an endevour including among their number yourself and Meryl’s other fellow librarian Laurantha the Unbeautiful. As your are current under the spell of the Masked Sorcerer himself to defeat the Elf King, I could not risk your well being by delving into the dungeon for another purpose. Plus, with threat of invasion promised over the sale of that fish god statue to Loudly, I didn’t want to push it with the Masked Sorcerer. Instead, I recruited the following adventurers to assist from those that had volunteered:

Mario De Parma- The newly arrived to Vyzor human fighter was so friendly that when he offered help, I could not say no.
Sepphean Gratchit- The human blue mage was Meryl’s closest living friend and it was impossible to stop him from joining the mission.
Lars Hootman- The owl-ing fighter had stepped forward to return the favor of Meryl retrieving Jarrod’s skull. I knew Meryl would want me to allow him the honor.
Ilse Raagenkampf-Sleet- In the alleys of Vymrrys, I had seen her cast the most terrifying spell I had ever seen. She is probably the most powerful and fearsome being I have met so I had to see if she would come along.

In addition, we hired the Hubert the Bold and Balphazad the Befuddled to assist in carrying the body.

Our mission started with us assembling the frame for the pulley system Yohey constructed for us in the root cellar of the Johnson’s old place. Then we proceeded down into the Violet Vaults. Ilse took the lead and immediately ran across a snake. They have not stayed in the Throne Room of the Serpent King. She made short work of it. Sapphean downed a potion of animal control and we grabbed the door Yohey had taken off its hinges last visit to this awful place.

Around the corner, Sepphean quickly ran into more snakes which he easily charmed. We turned the door sideways and used it to blocked off a room to our right filled with more mage-killing sinister serpents. We moved quickly down the hall to the room with that life-like serpent pillar collecting about 13 snakes, all controlled by Sepphean.

With the Throne Room and Meryl’s body a mere 70 feet away, the retrieval team stopped to discuss our plan to get her out. As we discussed, Mario and Lars noticed a small form hiding behind some rocks. As soon as he noticed us noticing it, the little jerk tried to make a break for it. Ilse and I caught up to it, though. The weaselly fellow is some sort of foot high man named McGillicutty who had with him a small chid. He was terrible fashion sense and a terrible personality. When I tried to charm him, he shrugged it off and claimed, “You don’t cast magic on me, I cast magic on you!” Besides him being the most unpleasant person I know, we smoothed things out with him and I paid him 25gp to be our guide. He hopped onto Mario’s shoulder and joined us.

That sorted, we went about enacting our plan. We coated the thirty feet of corridor closet to the Throne Room in oil. Ilse walked to the edge of the Throne Room and summoned a strange mist that caused the snakes to start killing each other. Balphazad became incredibly jealous of such a display of magic that he torn off back out of the dungeon. Never hire that guy or let him join the Library as he is a total flake.

Meanwhile, the snakes had entered some sort of tangle of violence like a Last Gnome Standing wrestling match except less cool and more bitey. When they had defeated their fellow snakes in the room, they slithered their way towards us. But, ah-ha, I was waiting with a torch. Now, I will admit here that I did not do my best. I became filled with memories of Meryl’s death and burned with revenge. I should have been stronger as Meryl had sought to teach me to act in according to virtue rather than base feeling. None the else, I dropped the torch soon after seeing those cruel creatures as I wanted to see them burn.

And burn they did. The hall caught on fire and we waited as they died. At this point. McGillicutty opens his gob to mention something about an alternate route through the piranha room (passed some doors spotted on previous delves). We, though, decide to save that stuff for later and have Sapphean scout. He cast spider climb on himself and traveled across the ceiling into the Throne Room.

There, Sapphean noticed a couple of things. One, the mummified Serpent King was vomiting out snakes still. Two, he could see Magic Meryl’s body and it seemed to be snakeless. A quick use of the spell fly and he swooped down to retrieve Meryl. As he scooped her lifeless shell, two snakes popped up but they were a bunch of dorks and missed. We had retrieved Meryl!

At this point, we notice that McGillicutty had split. That dweeb is no good. Plus, he abandoned his kid to have Lars Hootman take responsibility for him. He even left a not about how bad of dad he’d be. Don’t hired him again. We quickly got back to the dungeon exit. We hear some kind of noise of a monster but it looks like the snakes kept it away. With a quick use of Yohey’s pulley system, we return Meryl to the surface and rushed off to Loudly’s shop. I gave him 750gp and he returned my teacher form the great unknown. She is shorter now that she is a halfling and keeps muttering about the “cosmic womb.” I have been there twice to be remade and I won’t forget it. I can’t imagine what she has been through. It has definitely changed her. She has started carrying rocks around in a pouch and calling them her “magic missiles.”  Hopefully with the help of friends like you and the talking skull of Jarrod, she will be able to adjust from the shock of her return and new life. I think not being able to cast anymore is going to be real hard on her. Still, I am glad she is back. I am also grateful to know so many kind and skilled adventurers. I would welcome having any of these cool fellows in my party anyday. They will always have the gratitude of Meryl and I.


Master Pitwin Spryneedle

P.S. I will be appearing soon with an offering of my spellbook to join the illustrious ranks of the Jarrod Memorial Library.

P.S.S. Seriously don’t trust that Balphazad-dude. He just ragged on us the whole time and split. Plus he is a terrible dad to his weird kid.

P.S.S.S. That wasn’t the end of our trips to the Violet Vault. We also visited the piranha room and found where McGillicutty lives. He was just sitting there drinking tea like it was no big deal, the jerk. I gave him a hardy slap on the back as a greeting and tea shot out of his mouth. Ha! It was a great prank. He told us that piranhas live in the pool we had already knew about thanks to throwing a dead snake in. He also told us that doors west of the pool or the corridor leading to his home go to the Throne Room f the Serpent King. He mentioned the room to the east of the piranha room that just had undead in it. It is marked as it is a waste of time and only filled with death.

P.S.S.S.S. The old door Yohey took off the hinges is currently blocking the corridor south right out of the Violet Vault entry leaving only the old hobo camp accessible. We wanted to keep the snakes out.


Magic Meryl (Nick Kuntz), Arthur (faithful NPC doggie), Gachos Disco-Wang (NPC demon), John Lackwit (o-level loser), Szazsraz the Lizard Wizard (Chris Wilson), Iter the Physick (NPC), That Pictish Bastard (NPC), Bufo the Wizard (Makali’i F), Beefo the Gerblin Drinking Buddy (NPC), Willy Whats-His-Name (0-level Loser), Poor Brother Rupert (cleric hireling), unnamed serving boy (0-level hireling), Gwalin Rustbritches (dwarf hireling), Jarrod the Magic-User (Ian Reilly), Jonesy (0-level NPC), Little Liam Linkboy (0-level NPC), Limpy the Naileteer (Jeff Call), Engsal the Enchanter (Alex Joneth), Elfbraham Lincoln (Jeff Call), Littlens (0-level NPC), Biggens (0-level NPC), Stimpy (0-level NPC), Ren (0-level NPC)
Sigismunde von Flegelschnecke (Alexei McDonald), Sapphean Gratchit (Josh Rapp), Lobat Greet (Jesse Goldshear), Brax of the Tallstones (Brad Black), Mike O'Nidd (Matt Barclay), Kilic (Alex Joneth), Barnabus Sleet (Maxim Golubchik), Laurantha the Unbeautiful (Cullen), Big Gnome (Luke Rejec), Szazsraz the Wizard Lizard (Chris Wilson), Rose Royce (Kiel Chenier), Sneakerly Trull (Zak S.), Ilse Raagenkampf-Sleet (Perttu Vedenoja), Persimion Finch (Galen Fogarty), Magic Meryl (Nick Kuntz), Merrill Meadows (Michael Julius), Chef (Richie Cyngler)

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