Friday, May 13, 2005

Today was really awful.
I got out of bed really early because my mom was yelling at me.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am making this journal friends only because I don't want the world to read what I'm writing, even though I'm posting it on the internet.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you who you're sexually compatible with.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.

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Posted by Jeff Rients at 12:23 PM

3 comments:

  1. Jeff Rients9:15 PM

    I'm hoping that some of my regular readers (the two or three of you out there) enjoyed this fake blog entry. I thought that it would be pretty obvious this entry was a fakeroo, especially what with the link at the bottom pointing you to Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™ from Rum and Monkey. Apparently I have at least one reader who does not know me and could not tell that this post makes no fucking sense, especially given the context that I am a grown-ass man and not a teenaged girl. This kind but unknown reader thought that I was serious about hurting myself and/or others and called the cops. Thanks for caring, mysterious anonymous blog-browser! You scared the crap out of me though, when the police called and asked to stop by I was terrified that something bad had happened to my good friend Tom. I work as a debt collector for a bank and Tom is my repo man. That's a fairly dangerous line of work and when the cops call at 9pm my first thought is that Tom is injured or incarcerated. Serve that up with a side order of "Oh crap, maybe it's Pat" and a light dusting of "Someone finally found Ray" and my heart was racing a mile a minute when the nice fellows from Urbana PD rang the doorbell. The last thing I was expecting was for them to be doing a suicide check on me! [Insert random assurances that I am not contemplating suicide or homicide.]

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  2. Anonymous12:16 AM

    Jeff,

    Every now and then I decide to Google the updater and see what people have been doing with it... and so far this is the best story I've come across... awesome!

    I never thought that it would be as popular as it is, or that it would provide me with hours of entertainment (workplace procrastination) looking through what's happened to the people that have used it.

    I'm thinking of putting together a follow-up article on the semi-automatic updater - if it's ok with you, I'd like to include your story...

    gregor
    gstronach@gmail.com

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  3. Jesse Carter11:50 PM

    wow.
    Jeff I am new to this blog so I spent my Saturday reading a lot of old posts. Yes I have no life.
    I cannot believe that only one person besides yourself commented on this!
    That is a crazy story!
    Loving the site!

    ReplyDelete

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