Thursday, March 08, 2012

Fred the dwarf talks back to the Arduin crit chart... and lives!

Last night's D&D game was out of control.  There was a two-headed non-purple worm, a visit to the Fairy Land Annex, tense negotiations with the vampires, a giant silver spider, intense combat with the same vampires and elvish trickery.  I don't even know how to put the whole thing into a coherent narrative today, so I'll just tell you my favorite part.

I critted Fred the Dwarf twice.  The first time was an old Arduin favorite: buttock torn off.  The second one was a spinal injury that sends you to a subtable, the follow up roll said he was paralyzed from the waist up.  Since death was specifically mentioned on another entry of the chart, I ruled that his autonomous functions were not paralyzed.  So his henchmen drug him off, his head and arms flopping useless about.  Also, that second crit was from a freakin' vampire.  Dude lost his spine and two levels!  They were able to repair his spine through a little miraculous intervention, but dude remains Fred Half-Butt.

And they almost killed the Vampire Lord of Crows.  Almost.

11 comments:

  1. And they almost killed the Vampire Lord of Crows. Almost.

    /shudder

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  2. LOL Don't you just love random table craziness?

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  3. Anonymous6:32 PM

    Wait, what? So he could conceivably have gotten some kind of torso-harness and still run around in the dungeon, since his legs worked, but without doing anything useful with his upper body?

    Sounds like pretty much any torch-bearer.

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  4. Anonymous6:50 PM

    "So, why do they call you Lefty?"

    "Heh. Funny story. See, this one time..."

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  5. http://jrients.blogspot.com/2007/08/great-random-charts-from-rpg-history.html

    Its the whole buttocks - (and permanent -3 to dex and 1/2 speed)!

    Fred is one lucky dwarf - you must have rolled incredibly low on the extra damage.

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  6. Dammit! The vampire lord of crows is back?!?! I knew I should've spent a session trying to get the rest of the players to exterminate all those crows on the surface ruins...

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  7. Anonymous6:03 AM

    I think your session report is a perfect example of why our hobby has survived for 40 years. Seriously, there was more fun, insanity, and excitement in your two paragraphs than an entire season of Walking Dead or the latest edition of Call of Whatever.

    Z.

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  8. That dwarf is a half-assed dungeon crawler.

    (Well, SOMEBODY had to say it...)

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  9. "Wait, what? So he could conceivably have gotten some kind of torso-harness and still run around in the dungeon, since his legs worked, but without doing anything useful with his upper body?"

    Yes! A spiked, rigid armoured 'jacket' - kind of like the armour in the Lambton Worm - and Rosa Klebb-style boots would make Fred a pretty dangerous proposition.

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  10. Anonymous11:52 AM

    If he ever gets knighted, he should certainly get a buttock charged upon his heraldry.

    captcha: Hillards Fincedio, who I'm pretty sure is an heir of the Spaniard, out for revenge.

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  11. Anonymous12:38 PM

    That session really chapped my ass.

    --Fred the Dwarf

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