Thursday, July 29, 2004

Depressed

Today someone started a thread on RPG.net asking folks to talk about the coolest people they've ever gamed with.  I immediately thought about my old buddy David.  He and I go way back.  He was in my very first game group, the one I started with a D&D Basic Set and no idea what I was doing.  We gamed together regularly through grade school, junior high, and high school.  We played all sorts of games: boardgames, roleplaying games, video games.  Dave eventually assumed the role of Dungeon Master for some of our Dungeons & Dragons games.  He was a fun DM.  One of the best that I have played with to this day.  He had a great knack for finding that fine line between fudging all the dice rolls and letting the chips fall where they may.  His campaigns mixed equal parts goodnatured humor and deadly earnestness.  I really miss the opportunity to play with him.  He and I had a falling out last time we tried to schedule a get-together.  I didn't do a very good job communicating the fact that I was flat broke and so couldn't participate in lavish festivities nor did I succeed in getting him to understand my anxiety over being too far away from my family.  Heated words were exchanged in a series of increasingly asinine emails on both sides and eventually the whole thing dropped.  We haven't been in touch since.  Damn, that hurts.  I don't have a lot of close friends and David was always one of the closest.  I'd like to patch things up with him but I'm still angry at him too.  He was totally harshing on me and rather than keep my cool I lashed back.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  What makes me nuts is the fact that it was my second attempt to get together in a row that got all fucked up.  I thought the previous one was a fluke.  Now, I dunno.  Maybe we've just drifted too far apart.  Dave seemed to be acting like an asshole, but if you asked him I was acting like one too.  What can we do?  I feel like I really reached out and tried.  Heck, my wife didn't even want me to contact him the second time because she saw how depressed I got over the first fiasco.  But I felt that my good friend was worth a second chance.  That sentiment got me nowheresville, Daddy-O, as Dave seemed to be pushing for a confrontation from his first response to my inquiry.  Maybe I misread his emails.  After all, it's harder to read someone's intentions when you can't hear the tone of their voice or see their body language.  That's always the great challenge of communicating with folks over teh intarweb.  Still, I can't quite shake the suspicion that maybe Dave didn't want to hear from me that second time, like maybe he came on so strong 'cause he wanted to torpedo the rendezvous.  It's breaking my heart to even speculate like that, so maybe I'd be better off assuming the whole damn thing was my fault.

8 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:15 PM

    well that sure is depressing. I've been there as well. people change their lifestyles change. you have a family now, with real commitments. if he isn't married he wont understand until he has a family of his own. if he is married, then I guess he's just being a jerk cause he should know better. one thing to remember is that it doesn't sound like he's putting too much effort in patching things up. friendships, like any relationships worth keeping, need both parties to be involved. he just may not be the same guy you once knew anymore. I would suggest move on and put this part away, the hurt, put it away and when you remember him remember the buddy you gamed with not the jerk he became at the end.

    Jeff M.

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  2. Jeff M,

    Thanks for the comment. I'm feeling much better today. David is married but has no kids. I'm not sure how happy his marriage is since he seems to relish every opportunity to be away from his wife. But I don't see him regularly, so that may only be his reaction when planning a boys' day out. I try to cut Dave some slack because he doesn't have any kids, so he doesn't realize what it means for me to be away from my daughter. Maybe I'm just a clingy father and dad, but I don't like spending a lot of time away from wife and kid. Heck, some days I feel bad when I gone for 3 or 4 hours at my every other week Savage Worlds. I know as Elizabeth gets older and more independant that I will be forced to outgrow this phase, but right now how I feel is how I feel. I couldn't effectively communicate that to Dave, but I can't blame him for not understanding. He just lacks the frame of reference to be able to even see the problem.

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  3. Hey,

    Sorry to hear about your argument with your friend...sometimes all it takes is some time to clear your head (and for him to clear his head). Sometimes the fight seems more silly as time passes...

    It sounds like you gave him a second chance and he shot you down...maybe after some time passes and you think its worth another shot, try it...maybe he'll see you want to keep the friendship that meant so much to you and maybe he'll want to keep it too...

    Rich

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