I am writing you from atop a tortoise city occupied by dwarves. They tell me we're somewhere in the Valley of the Gods, but I haven't seen any gods yet. The city of Alidor is supposed to be around here somewhere. Me and my crew may go check that place out. It's supposed to be the center of the world or something.
These dwarf guys don't care much for our folk, but I managed to make some friends by telling everyone how much I despise those stuck-up samurai elves. Some local tried to pull some funny business with me, so I pushed him off the tortoise shell. Later we went looking for dragons to slay. I accidentally stepped in some ettin poop. Got the stuff all over my slaad hide boots!
We spotted a dragon but we haven't slayed it yet. We did find the poopy ettins, their pet chimera, and some orcs. So we killed them. Except for one orc that my buddy Kane wanted to take prisoner. I punched him in the nose, just like you taught me. Orc noses make a funny sound when they break.
There's a guy in the dwarf city who pays a gold piece per orc head. That's what I call easy beer money. The green dragon I saw stole two of the orc corpses before I could decapitate them. I was gonna kill him just because he's a dragon, but now it's personal.
I hope you and the rest of the family are doing well. I will visit as soon as I can figure out which way is home. Travelling via teleportation makes keeping your bearings a bit tricky.
Addendum to my Review of 5e's MM
58 minutes ago