It was a wet and overcast morning as I Zaunn the Mage departed for Nightwick Abbey. I was accompanied on my third expedition to Nightwick by Redwall the scoundrel, who insists I call him "Boner", two fighters called Donal and Agnes the Average. We also had Agnes's torchbearer and our dogs. We had a total of 5 dogs with us, since I had replaced Riddler and Lemming with "Steve" and "Thingy". Gentle Ben decided to stay behind and celebrate, I mean drown his sorrows at the loss of his master last week.
This time we headed to the South Tower, noting as we went that a series of ruined arches had appeared over the week. We're sure they weren't there last week but appeared to have been there for centuries.
Entering the south tower we discovered that it's interior was pretty much identicle to the north, right down to the trapdoor with a rusted ladder beneath it. We repeated last week's plan of using a rope spiked into the floor and lowered down the trapdoor. Beneath was small room with a door to the west, a long staircase that corkscrewed down and a corridor with a door in the eastern wall, opposite the stairs, and a door in the western wall. We headed to the western door and Boner caught a strong wiff of mold. We were debating if we should try it or the easter door when across the astral plane, in the distant mystical realm of South Knoxville some arcane structure called "The Internet" collapsed.
Suddenly Boner and I, along with out loyal hounds, found ourselves transported to the world of Wessex. There we met with the rogue Blixer, who talked us into aiding him in hunting some vampires. He and his talking dog, Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter led us into the Caves of Myrddin where he tied up a thrice blessed donkey and the dogs. He and Boner hid behind a secret door while I sat in a nearby tunnel with Steve and Thingy.
In time misty forms drifted into the cavern and solidified into four vampires. One of them decided to feed off of the donkey and a moment later I heard Abe say "Woof woof", which was the signal. I flung out my holywater soaked net and was able to cover three of the four undead. Boner and Blixer both missed with their nets but I was able to upend the bucket of holy water we'd soaked the nets in over the uncaptured vampire. He and the vampire who had tried to feed off of the thrice blessed donkey were destroyed while the other two turned into fog and escaped.
Boner found a vampire fang and intends to make it into jewellery while Blixer found a treasure map to a location nearby. On our way there we met a friend of Blixer's, Philip the Black (or something) the four of us were able to locate the treaure cache in an unexplored area of the dungeon. There we found a pile of treasure including a magical flaming sword which Boner claimed, and a scroll of spells which I took. We shared the gold amongst us and headed back into town to celebrate.
This is where everything went terribly, terribly wrong. In our drunken stupor Boner was transformed into a pig, Philip became the property of the Castellan's wife and I was married off to Kerra, the pox-faced daughter of the local alewife. It's a dark day, a dark dark day.