Thursday, January 24, 2008

Elves is weird.

I've spent the last week in a strange mixture of job hunting, taking care of my daughter, and being sick as heck. But I'm feeling better, Elizabeth should be back to school tomorrow, and I've located at least a temporary gig that started today and seems to be going well. But that's not what I want to talk about now. I want to talk about elves. I'm one of those guys that's had a love/hate relationship with D&D elves over the years. Combining fightery and magic-usification into one character has always been fun, but sometimes the pointy-eared immortals just get on my nerves. But with my present OD&D project I decided to embrace the elvitude. After all, I only have 4 PC races to choose from under my self-imposed "three original books only" rules. I feel like creatively I can't afford to give elves anything less than a fair shake. So I went on a long mental journey trying to figure out elves. And I came to the conclusion that all the greatest elves in history have one thing in common:





HATS

I'm totally serious here. Elves in my campaign are The People Who Wear Hats. That's their deal. Sure, I can tell you other details, like how the elves consider marriage to be a profession or the fact that they are the postapocalyptic descendants of a Transhuman Space style post-singularity society. But the key to understanding the elves of Cinder is that they all wear hats.

Bonus elf cheesecake:

11 comments:

  1. Hey it's the Elf With A Gun!

    Do Cinder's elves get a special saving throw versus being hit by a bus?

    Those are fairly stylish hats, though is Link actually an elf? I always thought he was some kind of pointy-eared human kid or something.

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  2. Damnit, Jeff, you made me laugh so hard at work...

    Is there any reason/secret/conspiracy for them all to wear hats? Got to know!!

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  3. Jer: I haven't really followed the Zelda franchise beyond the original NES game. I always just sort of assumed Link was an elf. If you play the Gamecube version of Soul Calibur II you'll see that Link looks extremely elfy compared to the other characters.

    Erekibeon: The hats are the tool by which the elves remember how to interact with the mundane world. An elf dentist needs to be wearing his Dentist Hat or he can't pull teeth. An elf warrior must wear his War Hat or he forgets how to fight. Most elves encountered on Cinder only own one or two hats because they can't handle switching between more jobs than that.

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  4. MountZionRyan8:35 AM

    Not just hats, but floppy hats with an overall cone shape.

    Strange, neh?

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  5. wulfgar10:29 AM

    Good observation. Don't forget the high elf himself, one Santa Claus. Maybe a simliarly obese Elf King could work in your campaign.

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  6. S. John Ross11:23 AM

    Is it a single type of hat that reminds you to break into someone's house at night and get to work making shoes, or is there a breaking-and-entering hat and then also a shoemaking hat?

    Similar question for breaking into someone's house at night and then leaving toys.

    My instinct is that Elves are born with an urge to break into people's houses, but what they do there varies by hat.

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  7. Settembrini1:55 PM

    Hah!

    My Gnomes always have and will always be:

    Gartenzwerge!
    Garden Gnomes

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  8. I wanna play an elf who wears a top hat, and so he is at +2 to Put On The Ritz.

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  9. All elves should have bonus ability Haberdashery.

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  10. The hats are the tool by which the elves remember how to interact with the mundane world. An elf dentist needs to be wearing his Dentist Hat or he can't pull teeth. An elf warrior must wear his War Hat or he forgets how to fight. Most elves encountered on Cinder only own one or two hats because they can't handle switching between more jobs than that.

    Aha! This is the explanation for elves choosing to be either Magic-Users or Fighters on any given adventure. They simply choose which hat to wear as they're heading out the door...

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  11. Don't forget the elves of ElfQuest...many of them are also (sometimes elaborate) hat wearers...and you can tell which elves are from which tribe in part based on their headgear.

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