Saturday, August 17, 2013

Brawl at the Tanglebones Tavern: Turn 3

  
TURN 3 RESULTS
Mister Mister is still holding KISS gal and drunkenly serenading her as Silver-haired Fonzie springs into action, taking a wild swing at Mister that glances off his forearm.  It's not over for Mr. Mister, though, as the KISS fan pulls him in closer and then introduces her knee to Mister's lower vitals.  He goes down to his knees for a little breather.

Nearby Cadfael has figured out that the Bronze Skulls are not the smartest guys you'll ever meet and goes for a distraction.  "Catch!" he shouts as he tosses his pewter tankard to the guy in the filthy smock, who catches it and looks down at the mug in confusion.  All eyes turn towards smock guy, giving the holy man a perfect opening for a flying drop kick!  Smock guy is down for the count and Father Cadfael sticks the landing with a badass Batman/Spiderman style crouch!  The Father's moment of pure badassery is fleeting, as the woman with the filed teeth delivers a Shatnerian double axe handle to the top of his head!  But what is this?  The holy roller shrugs it off and stands up, a look of righteous fury in his eyes!  The Bronze Skuller covered with snake-themed tattoos isn't impressed, though, and comes at Cadfael with a left cross, who leans away from it with Ali grace.  Bumphrey the Moleman had his eye on this tattoo dude and makes his move at this moment, catching him with a solid left.  Darf the Dwarf slips past the general tangle near table 17 and ends up at the hallway between the two halves of the tavern, where he finds the two barmaids chatting in trollish and calmly waiting for the brawl to blow over.

Meanwhile jester hat guy is speaking soothing words to the woman waving the dagger around and it looks like she's maybe going to not cut him to ribbons when out of the corner of his eye he spots the stomping party on the Ugly Wizard, who has suddenly stopped swearing.  "Holy balls!  Boss!" he shouts.  With his attention turned Fritz the Cleric catches him with a Stooge Fu double eye-poke.  To add injury to insult the dagger woman strikes, expertly backstabbing him right below the ribcage and quickly yanking the blade out.  Jester hat piteously wails "Game over, man!" as blood is positively gushing out a wound that he can't quite reach to staunch.  Shit just got real.

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Over at the pile of timber that used to be table 20, Quartle the Frogman and Harold the Adequate scramble to their feet.  The frogman begins an incredible transformation.  His fabulous clothes burst asunder as he grows in height and bulk.  "Quartle smash puny human!  Quartle strongest there is!"  Harold is undaunted by this development and comes at him, bro, with a wide variety of attacks, but he is unable to do any damage to the froghulk.  Seeing the carnage about to ensue, Ba Chim the Pointy-Eared Landsknecht executes a strategic withdrawal back up the stairs; Sir Grover of Sesame arrives at the foot of the stairs a split second later.  Whatever deviltry he had planned for Ba Chim is foiled for now.  Rhadamantus the Archmage screams "Sayonara, fuzzface" as he leaps through the air for a flying kick attack at Sir Grover.  Unfortunately, he slightly misjudges the height of the muppet, sails clear over his head (knocking Grover's visor down over his eyes in the process) and collides with Harold the Adequate.  They both end up in a pile at the feet of Quartle-Hulk.

Back at the bar Von the Koopa Troopa has climbed out of the mess that was the liquor shelves just as Bobo the Monkey offers him a slug of banana schnapps (after a generous pull of his own).  Von's turtly heart is full of mischief though, and he tries to grab the monkey with both of his little reptile claws.  The monkey was prepared for such an eventuality and smashes the bottle down on Von's cartoony little head.  The Koopa Troopa goes does, his head oozing blood!  Nearby the hairy jerk and the baby troll continue to mix it up with a furious exchange of kicks and punches.  The hairy weirdo catches the baby troll with an nasty uppercut, knocking the baby out.  The troll runt's cigar flies through the air, tracing out an arc of smoke and sparks, landing perilously close to the pool of liquor near area 12.  But no fire yet.

Malice the Albino Elf continues his inexplicable attack on Megasthenes with a stomp attack but the Hoplite rolls out of the way and to his feet.  Megasthenes catches the elf with a mighty double punch, but Malice is still standing.  Almost simultaneously a bottle smashes down on Malice's skull, shattered and drenching him in spirits.  Where the crap did that come from?  The elf is woozy, but still standing.

Over at the west fireplace the Blueboys have inexplicable decided to go after Big Daddy Troll.  The Blueboy with the red braided beard connects with a right cross and the lumpy kid with a left straight.  Their boss, a dude in a fancy blue cloak, follows this up with solid kung fu kick right in the troll's pot belly, but the big lug laughs in their stupid faces as he snatches up the lumpy headed kid and swings him about like a rag down.  The troll eventually releases the poor bastard, who hits a wall and stays down.



CASUALTIES THIS TURN: dirty smock guy, Von the Koopa Troopa (who scores 300xp for his participation), baby troll, lumpy headed kid, ugly wizard