Friday, August 16, 2013

Brawl at the Tanglebones Tavern: Turn 2


Over at the bottom of the staircase Quartle the Dandy Frog continues to brawl with Ba Chim the Landsknect Elf.  The amphibian delivers a powerful right uppercut to the jaw of the elf.  Critical hit!  Ba Chim falls back against the staircase.  He's down but not quite out.   "Some thanks I get for trying to help!" he mutters as he shakes off the blow.

Meanwhile over in the middle of the room the woman with the sharpened nails and filed teeth makes her move against Father Cadfael, ducking inside the arc of his swinging mug and attempts a claw rake but the wily cleric sees her coming and jumps back at the last moment.  The motion brings him closer to the guy with the grimy hands and dirty smock, and the cleric attacks him with his mug but to no avail.  Grey-haired Fonzie and his buddy covered with snake tattoos step up into position to back up the rest of their gang.

Fast cut to the other half of the building, where Malice Aforethought the Albino Elf decides to make his move, coming at Megasthenes the Hoplite with a flying dropkick!  BAM!  A solid hit but they both go down to the floor.  Fritz was obviously about to go after either Malice or Megasthenes and seems momentarily at a loss.

At the next table over the dork in the jester hat continues to stomp the guy with the eye-patch, who writhes on the ground crying for his momma.  Dang!  Another critical hit!  The eye-patch guy is bruised and bloodied all over his arms and upper torso, reduced to a whimpering shell of a man.  Eye-patch is officially the first dude out of the running for the title of Baddest Brawler.

So far the Bronze Skull gang has shown a lot of unity and esprit de corps, acting as a group.  The Blueboy gang seems to be going with an alternative approach, as the lumpy headed kid arrives at the Blueboys' table, the redbearded dude goes at him but lumpy manages to ward off most of the force of the blow with a timely block.  The kid manages to connect with a sloppy counter-punch.  The third Blueboy present, who seems to be the leader of the group, grabs both of their heads and conks them together Three Stooges style.

The barkeep does not like all these monstrous weirdos coming at his supply of hard liquor and goes after Von the Koopa Troopa.  As he turns Bobo the Flying Monkey snatches the bottle of Auntie Grodd's Banana Schnapps sitting on the counter.  The barkeep grabs the turtlish duder but doesn't take account his grip on a high shelf and brings the whole shelving unit crashing down on both of them! Dozens of bottles of high end hooch are shattered, their contents never to be drunk by man nor mutant.  Oh the humanity!  The barkeep is down for the count, but Von crawls to his feet and, with a triumphant grin, proceeds to take a long pull from the bottle in his hand.  Too bad the bottom half of it is gone and nothing comes out.

The really hairy dude is only inches away from the spot where the top shelf crashed into the bar, but he's too busy beating up the cigar-smoking troll-baby to notice.  They mix it up and the kid comes out the better for the exchange, delivering a vicious kick to the hairy guy's shin.  He howls in agony.

Back over on the other side of the joint Bumphrey the Mutant Mole goes all Sonic the Hedgehog for a moment and in a burst of speed throws himself bodily at the Bronze Skuller with the big Mario Mustache.  Rhadamantus  takes a swing at Bumphrey as he goes past, but fails to connect.  The mole hits with a ramming speed headbutt to the groin!  Mario crumples to the floor, wishing he was unconscious.  He looks stupid, but not stupid enough to get back up before the fight is over.  His buddy in the filthy smock sees an opportunity to kick Darf the Dwarf and carpes the crap out of that diem with a solid strike to the dwarf's gut.  The wind is knocked out of him for a moment, but Darf is still looking to fight.

Nearby Sir Grover of Sesame goes all karate high kick on Harold the Adequate, landing his furry blue foot to the back of Harold's head!  It's one of those blows that is shrugged off for the moment, but damn will he feel that tomorrow morning.  Harold meanwhile climbs onto the table, which is probably too rickety for these sorts of shenanigans, but he's not on it long as he leaps off the table and over the banister at Quartle the Frogman.  It's a beautiful aerial maneuver.  Witnesses will tell their grandkids about it some day. The two brawlers end up in a tangled ball of brawl among the shattered timbers where table 20 used to be.

Over at table 10 the Wilt Chamberlain looking dude with the iron hand and the fighting woman with the grey eyes exchange a meaningful glance, cease hostilities, and proceed to double stomp the bejeesus out of Weird Merlin, who is already on the floor.  Dude is tough as leather; he continues to curse like a congressman even under this brutal barrage.

Meanwhile, KISS girl goes after Mr. Mister but he deftly counters, grabbing her and pulling her close.  "I was made for loving you, baby" he sings, but he's so drunk the words comes out slurred beyond recognition and way louder than necessary, not to mention completely off key.

Back at the bar, Daddy Troll has finished off his pitcher of mead.  He sloppily wipes off his mouth with  scabrous arm, wheels about and silently slouches towards the brawlers at tables 6 and 7, casting a long, long shadow across the room.  A fangy grin stretches far too widely across his hideous face.  As all eyes are turned on this development Man Rider tentacles up into the rafters, out of sight.

TURN 2 casualties: barkeep, eye-patch guy, mario dude