Saturday, October 14, 2017

Vaults of Vyzor, session #21

Roster

Yareh Falsong, mutant thief (Sam Mameli)
Harold the Adequate, human fighter (Adam Thornton)
Moar Lût, chalicothere pack ape (NPC)
Big Gnome, LotFP specialist (Luka Rejec)
Evil Steve, assassin (hireling)
Anstonac, demon (NPC, summoned by Barnabus Sleet)

Harold's Diary Entry

Dear Diary (13 Oct. 2017),

Remind me never to piss off Anstonac.
by Sam Mameli

Yareh had some kind of mission to get into the Purple Vaults presumably under the "Thieves' Guild" headquarters. The "Thieves' Guild" was--emphasis on the was--pretty much Goodman Johnson and his sons.

Rose Royce bagged on our delve. I think maybe she just doesn't want to pay me back the 100 gp she owes me. So Big Gnome cast about for a hireling and we came up with Evil Steve, First Level Assassin. He must be legit, he has a black cloak and a dagger and everything.

So then we went to a dinner party at the Johnsons' for some business Yareh claimed to have. Yareh almost immediately started insulting our hosts, and eventually they could take no more insult and came at us, steak knives in their hands. Yareh stabbed the old man pretty hard, but he didn't go down, and then one of the sons came for me. I mean I guess I probably was a tempting target, having dinner in my breastplate and horned helmet and all, with my sword at hand.

I didn't want to be That Guy, so rather than stabbing him, I punched him. Then Big Gnome whipped out a gorgon penis and whacked one of the sons with it, sending him senseless to the ground. Then Yareh whistled, and Astonac, the timber wolf murder demon, came in from where he and Möar Lût had been waiting outside. For the first time this day he uttered one of his charming catchphrases--this one was "it's murder time!"--and popped one of the Johnson daughters' heads clean off. Everyone started screaming and diving for the windows and stuff.


At this point it was clear I wasn't going to be needed for this fight, and I sat down and resumed dinner. Yareh de-spined one of the sons, the demon went on a horrific rampage, and I finished a couple more turkey legs. We grabbed a couple of nice vintages for later (as a "legitimate businessman", Goodman Johnson had had a pretty good wine cellar). I looked under the table and found the expected secret door.

I remembered what had happened to Courtney the Hideous and invited Evil Steve to open it. Amazingly, he dodged the poison darts that shot out, and we sent Anstonac down the ladder that was under the door. He reported back that it was a root cellar with another trap door and no one to murder, so we went down.

There were three large chests there. These were not attached to demonic snake-ladies telling us the Elf King was a douche, and were much less dangerous, as they were only trapped with an acid nozzle, three stabby swords, and a series of poisoned needles, all of which Big Gnome handily disarmed, rather than the bewitching power of breasts, which has brought woe to many, myself included. I closed the door above us, figuring that the po-pos would be looking for us soon, since some of the erstwhile "Thieves' Guild" had made their escape.

In these chests we found quite a lot of gold and gems and jewelry, and Möar Lût earned his name again, handily carrying two chests' worth of stuff. Big Gnome pulled a total dick move and reset the traps and put the Thieves' sign for "all clear" on the empty chests. It was impressively douchey.

Evil Steve suggested we just leave and retire, which wasn't a bad idea, actually, except that we really needed to find a different exit for some plausible deniability. We asked him to take a look at the trap door, and he found, and disarmed, an acid nozzle. The demon wolf leapt down and we followed. Under the trap door was a purple-walled dungeon room, with strange leather-and-metal suits attached to a machine by tubing. Big Gnome told us it was the Lungs Of The Ancients or something like that, and it was for breathing underwater. He's really quite good at figuring out mechanisms.

Anyway, Anstonact went a-murdering, and we followed the blood trail and shouts of "good morning,
Greg's not his real name, but it's
the closest you can get without
mastering Bugbearish vowel blends.
motherfuckers!" through a room with eviscerated goblins to a fork where he awaited us. A little way north we found some bugbears. A fight ensued. Big Gnome cold-cocked one with his gorgon schlong, and Anstonac ate another, although Anstonac got his pretty timberwolf snout broken by one. Yareh told him to man up and rub some blood in it, and that seemed to make him feel better. At any rate it turned out that the bugbear--Gregbear, we called him--we had knocked out and taken prisoner spoke Orcish and would find us a way out and fight for us for 100 gold.

We were running short on time, so we started following Gregbear, who told us we'd have to traverse the Duke Of Ghouls' territory. Along the way we easily destroyed a couple of zombies, and found a party of ghouls, whom we dispatched (Anstonac ripping one of their hearts out and eating it, but getting an artery severed and spraying demonic blood all over everything). Yareh and I took hits but resisted paralysis; Gregbear was paralyzed and Evil Steve was left half-dead and paralyzed. Nevertheless, Gregbear could still communicate by blinking, and we made our way through the doors he blinked to indicate led to the exit. We crossed from the purple dungeon into the pink-
insignia of the Duke of Ghouls
walled one, and we also disguised ourselves by wearing the armbands of the Duke Of Ghouls we took off his patrol party's corpses, hoping to bluff our way past any more ghoul patrol challenges.


Towards the end we ran blindly as our time expired, and everyone but Yareh made it out. We're gonna have to come up with a ransom, but I think we can probably afford it. I was amazed that Evil Steve survived, and Gregbear seems pretty cool. I don't know if he's planning on moving upstairs now and hanging out as a hireling in the tavern, or if he's going back to the dungeon. Anstonac is a terrifying murder machine and a hell of a party wolf-demon. Good for him.

Oh yeah, there's a map I sketched too.

Anyway, really successful delve today. Maybe now that I have some money I should invest in better armor. I'm keeping the horned helmet though, because it's cool.



Yareh’s Journal 10/13/17

After being invited to dinner at the Johnson's I found myself seated with a rather unsavory crowd. All
I love Sam's new illo of Yareh.
was going well until I made the mistake of asking for some salt for my pasta dinner. The patriarch of the family went into a rage! He screamed that the pasta was perfect and salting it was a grievous insult to his family. He pulled a sword, and his children followed suit. I was forced to heroically fight my way through them, luckily I had hired a bound demon to act as a bodyguard and backup in case anything went down. And good thing too! A crazed housewife nearly brained me with a sauce pan, but the demon made quick work of her and a few others of the bloodthirsty thieves guild.


After dispensing with my assailants, me and the rest of the crew decided to take a look around for the passage to the fabled “Violet Vaults”. We found a trap door leading in to a root cellar. Down there were 3 chests. Not sure what was in them, they looked trapped and we had more important work to do. Namely making our way through the Violet Vaults, discovering a strange contraption for breathing in foreign environments and narrowly escaping some goons of the Duke of Ghouls. It seems like the Violet vaults connect with the first level of the Rosy Halls. I would draw a map but as we were leaving I got captured and ransomed for all of my earthly possessions.

What a day!


ONGOING ROLL OF THE DEAD

Gachos Disco-Wang (NPC demon), John Lackwit (o-level loser), Szazsraz the Lizard Wizard (Chris Wilson), Iter the Physick (NPC), That Pictish Bastard (NPC), Bufo the Wizard (Makali’i F), Beefo the Gerblin Drinking Buddy (NPC), Willy Whats-His-Name (0-level Loser), Poor Brother Rupert (cleric hireling), unnamed serving boy (0-level hireling), Gwalin Rustbritches (dwarf hireling), Jarrod the Magic-User (Ian Reilly), Jonesy (0-level NPC), Little Liam Linkboy (0-level NPC), Limpy the Naileteer (Jeff Call), Engsal the Enchanter (Alex Joneth), Elfbraham Lincoln (Jeff Call)., Littlens (0-level NPC), Biggens (0-level NPC), Stimpy (0-level NPC), Ren (0-level NPC)

AZURE TOWER GUEST LIST

Lobat Greet (Jesse Goldshear), Brax of the Tallstones (Brad Black), Mike O'Nidd (Matt Barclay), Kilic (Alex Joneth), Barnabus Sleet (Maxim Golubchik), Laurantha the Unbeautiful (Cullen), Big Gnome (Luke Rejec), Szazsraz the Wizard Lizard (Chris Wilson), Rose Royce (Kiel Chenier), Sneakerly Trull (Zak S.), Ilse Raagenkampf (Perttu Vedenoja), Persimion Finch (Galen Fogarty), Magic Meryl (Nick Kuntz), Merrill Meadows (Michael Julius), Chef (Richie Cyngler)