Vaults of Vyzor #25: Band Geeks

Roster

• Brutal Pete, dwarf band leader
• Adam o' the Dungheap, mercenary bassoonist
• Logo Tosslespanner, gnome flugel player
• Thombur No-Face, dwarf instrumentalist
• Gelash Cogsteel, gnome drummer
• Hugo the Slayer, mercenary french horn player
• Tinash Steamsteel, gnome tuba player

Aleksandr Revzin played Brutal Pete. I mentioned to my wife the other day that Brutal Pete has been on several expeditions to the Vaults but I don't actually recall him being any more brutal than the average dungeoneer. The rest of the band were split up, three characters apiece, between Peter C and Wizard Lizard (a.k.a. Tan), but I can't find in my notes who played which characters.

[The following article appeared in the evening edition of The Vyzor Voice, 10 November 2017.]

Marching Band Brings Home the Goldby Vulmon Beirel
Music critic

VYZOR – Brutal Pete’s marching band returned a few members short today from a grueling but apparently lucrative delve into the tunnels beneath the house formerly occupied by Goodman Johnson. Witnesses report that the band leader, along with flugelhorn player Logo Tosslespanner and tubaist Thombur No-Face, emerged from the dwelling’s root cellar with bulging pockets and burdened with a number of large sacks. Mr. No-Face was later observed buying rounds for strangers in The Green Mulberry before loudly declaring his intention of spending the next several days at the Nunnery. According to Mr. Tosslespanner, three of their band-mates perished from snakebite in the course of exploring unmapped regions, while a fourth died in an explosion caused by a malfunctioning French horn.

The losses leave the ranks of the marching band sorely depleted and completely lacking a percussion section or any kind of bass instrument. Nevertheless, the expedition may be judged a success in terms of the considerable amount of gold and gems that appears to have been retrieved by the ensemble. Cryptic answers given by Mr. Tosslespanner during a brief interview, along with the recollections of Vyzorians who were regaled by Mr. No-Face in The Green Mulberry, indicate that the major focus of the expedition was the use of a special apparatus for breathing underwater to retrieve a treasure chest from the depths of a pool infested with vicious fish.

It was unclear at press time when, or whether, the band would recruit new members. In the opinion of this writer, it is to be hoped that the ensemble will quickly fill out its ranks and resume its essential place in the artistic world of our fair community.

Brutal Pete's tale of the delve...

My first memories are of ripping out of my birth caul, which my father had formed from precious metals, the flesh of the hated ones, his own blood, and his labor. (They call us dwarves greedy and spiteful, for we lust for treasure and wage ceaseless war on our enemies, but this is our genesis and renewal). But my first true home is Vyzor and it felt good to delve below the Sorcerer's keep again. Not only that, but to lead my well-trained marching band, the Blue Brutal Beat Band (the 4 B's baby, the Quad Threat, the Quatro-Sting) armed with experimental music instruments made my blood lust sing.

By a roll of the dice, the Violet Vaults were chosen. We descended the ladder, chased away some poisonous asps and noted some diving equipment. In excellent formation we arrived at the pool full of piranhas. There was a large rectangular shape in the water and our instincts pushed us to investigate. Retrieving the diving equipment, we made a plan for Hugo the Slayer to play his French Horn of Concealment so Adam o' the Dung Heap could hide as some sort of box or a collection of loose tiles. Thus, the piranhas would be confounded. But calamity occurred and the French Horn exploded, ending Hugo's life, and causing us collateral damage. Hugo's training showed, for not once as he died did I see anything but a look of heroic determination on his face. I nodded once in respect to his severed and smoldering head as it flew past me and I saw it blink once, acknowledging my salute.

Logo Tosslespanner's alternate plan involved us slaying some asps, putting their bodies in a chainmail shirt, and bobbing that bundle in the the water to distract the piranhas, so Adam could safely descend to the bottom of the pool. The plan was a great success and what we retrieved was an iron chest. The final stash of the thieves guild! Stuffing our pockets, we carried the chest back to the entrance and made several trips topside to empty the chest fully. Our second death occured now. Adam, on guard below, was attacked by two snakes. Bitten, he fell dead to their poison. We carried his body up and laid him on a bier of treasure.

With the remainder of our time we decided to explore this level. All the humans were dead, so we "went dark," relying on our infravision. South down a wide corridor of pillars, then west to a 4-way intersection. Acting on a suspicion, I discovered a secret door and tunnel to the north. The band encountered large lightning bugs and resolved to try one more door, before retreating. I must take much of the blame for what happened next. Looking at what scraps of map I had for this level, I believed we had moved south and west of the lizard mummy king's throne room. Perhaps we had. When we opened a final door to the west a wall of snakes collapsed onto us. Tinash Steamsteel and Gelash Cogsteel fell to the venom of their bites. As spittle bubbled from their mouths I glared, making sure they understood to show no pain to our enemies as they died. Logo shrewdly played his Flugel Horn of Stilting to rise above the mass of snakes. Thombur No-Face blew on The Transparent Abomination and summoned men-sized life-draining Purple Tribbles, which battled the asps. We retreated topside, leaving two band members and some valuable magical instruments under a tide of venomous snake foes. Like a sore-tooth, this will pain me until vengeance and retrieval are done.

Final note from the DM

The body of Adam o' the Dungheap, well-known smelly hireling, was successfully retrieved from the dungeon. Thanks to the necromantic arts of Pete Loudly, he has been reincarnated as an orc. He still stinks to high heaven.

ONGOING ROLL OF THE DEAD

Tinash Steamsteel (gnome band member), Hugo the Slayer (band member), Gelash Cogsteel (gnome band member), Adam o' the Dung Heap (band member), Magic Meryl (Nick Kuntz), Arthur (faithful NPC doggie), Gachos Disco-Wang (NPC demon), John Lackwit (o-level loser), Szazsraz the Lizard Wizard (Chris Wilson), Iter the Physick (NPC), That Pictish Bastard (NPC), Bufo the Wizard (Makali’i F), Beefo the Gerblin Drinking Buddy (NPC), Willy Whats-His-Name (0-level Loser), Poor Brother Rupert (cleric hireling), unnamed serving boy (0-level hireling), Gwalin Rustbritches (dwarf hireling), Jarrod the Magic-User (Ian Reilly), Jonesy (0-level NPC), Little Liam Linkboy (0-level NPC), Limpy the Naileteer (Jeff Call), Engsal the Enchanter (Alex Joneth), Elfbraham Lincoln (Jeff Call), Littlens (0-level NPC), Biggens (0-level NPC), Stimpy (0-level NPC), Ren (0-level NPC)

AZURE TOWER GUEST LIST

Sigismunde von Flegelschnecke (Alexei McDonald), Sapphean Gratchit (Josh Rapp), Lobat Greet (Jesse Goldshear), Brax of the Tallstones (Brad Black), Mike O'Nidd (Matt Barclay), Kilic (Alex Joneth), Barnabus Sleet (Maxim Golubchik), Laurantha the Unbeautiful (Cullen), Big Gnome (Luke Rejec), Szazsraz the Wizard Lizard (Chris Wilson), Rose Royce (Kiel Chenier), Sneakerly Trull (Zak S.), Ilse Raagenkampf-Sleet (Perttu Vedenoja), Persimion Finch (Galen Fogarty), Magic Meryl (Nick Kuntz), Merrill Meadows (Michael Julius), Chef (Richie Cyngler)