I woke up this morning thinking it might be neat to imagine what wizards might have looked like if they were written up as a foe in the monster section of the Holmes edit of D&D. Here's what I came up with.
Move: 120 feet/turn Alignment: variable Hit Dice: 4 Attacks: 1 Armor Class: 5 Damage: 1-6 points Treasure Type: E, S, T
Wizards are semi-human spellcasters whose abilities exceed that of normal magic-users. They have 2d4 first level and d6 second level spells available to them, as well as d4 strange powers beyond the normal spell rules. 50% of all wizards have some sort of aberrant appearance that reveals their inhuman nature. Most wizards have d6 unusual minions, such as demonic imps, a hunchback, robots, a super-intelligent horse, etc.
Why do wizards have AC 5? Because they're wizards.
"Man, is there anything Jeff CAN'T do when it comes to gaming? This guy is like a critical 20 every roll. Jeff can bite the heads offa five game geeks, including their sorry-ass DM, and spit 'em into a large duffel bag ONE AT A TIME!...that's just the kind of messed up bastard he is! You think yer a gamer, punk? Well..do ya? Jeff will depants your weasel-ass right in front of your grandma."