So last night at the Armored Gopher we were playing a third session of the Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG. The party was descending this big spiral staircase somewhere under the Tower of Zenopus when some stirges flew down and started harassing them. Eustace the Bold uses a Mighty Deed of Arm (which I use as an ad lib stunt system, ignoring the details in the GM section) to swat one to the ground with his shield. The beggar-thief and the cleric of Cthulhu try stomping on its head, but both roll miserably, bumping into each other in their haste to kill the prone bird-bat-mosquito thing. On the next round the stirge gets up and attacks the cleric, rolling a crit. I don't know if it was my idea or not, but I will totally take the blame for this next part: the cleric now has a stirge jammed in his crotch, sucking out his, and I quote, "dick blood". The stirge in question is killed on the next round and gingerly removed from the area in question.
The proboscis-to-jimmy attack ended up only doing a single measly point of damage, but I doubt I'll ever forget that particular one point. That cleric won't either, I reckon.
PoP!
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I have drawn three pieces today, and this -- with no hint of irony or
self-deprecation -- is the best of them all.
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I laughed so hard I drooled a little on my desk.
ReplyDeleteNow *that's* an adventure encounter.
ReplyDeleteSomething about DCC... the frequency and magnitude of dick and fart jokes seem to increase. This is definitely a feature and not a bug.
ReplyDeleteNo! No his dick blood! That's the more important blood there is!
ReplyDeleteThen again, he's a cleric, so he probably won't be using it, lol.
Critical hit there, one point of damage.
ReplyDeleteIt's his wife I feel bad for, really
This kind of situation calls for a dungeon funk table roll for the affected region...
ReplyDeleteI sense a theme...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thefrisky.com/2012-07-26/mans-penis-stolen-by-thieves/
This reminded me of a bit in the Vinland Saga (the Norse account of their settlement of Newfoundland):
ReplyDeleteIn a skirmish with the locals, one of the hardy viking lads took an arrow to the crotch. According to the teller of the tale, he became very sad, and didn't cheer up, even when his compatriots offered to pleasure his wife for him.
What is it with DCC that always seems to encourage this kind of great stuff. I seem to remember a time, long ago, that there was an unlucky, critical prone Berserkr and a small wizard holding on for his dear life...by a shoe! The Skalds sing of the rest of that story to this day.
ReplyDeleteI love that game.
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ReplyDeleteJust in case you need imagery to picture that:
ReplyDeletehttp://etonnant-astonishing.webnode.com/strange-facts/mushrooms/
Check out "Hydnellum pecki"
Let me tell you of the days of high adventure.
ReplyDelete"...a single measly point of damage..."
ReplyDeleteCome on... all guys know that those tiny little injuries inflict far more pain than a bowling ball to the crotch does - at least initially. It's like your body's saying: "Jeez, pal- that's nothing. I'm not even going to release any endorphins to cover that one. Be a man and suck it up, ya wuss."
I was thinking that since he already has the piercing he should fork over some coin to have a gold hoop fashioned and installed. After that, a nice holy symbol that can attach to the hoop and dangle.
ReplyDeleteThen he can turn undead and outrage the living all in one fell swoop.
This is why one always equips that +1 Codpiece.
ReplyDeleteHow on earth did I miss this?
ReplyDeleteWeren't you running your own game Wednesday night?
DeleteLater in the brothel, "But baby, I uhh... is not like this all the time! See there was this mosquito, bat bird thing and well... my junk and the shrivel ing... oh never mind, just get more mead."
ReplyDelete