Saturday, December 23, 2006

my chat with God

Me: How's it hanging?
God: I am fine, thank you.
Me: I hear your birthday is coming up.
God: Who is saying my birthday is coming up?
Me: The usual suspects.
God: I hear you.
Me: You realize your birthday leaves me with that age-old conundrum.*
God: Do you mind if I tell other people: I realize your birthday leaves him or her with that age old conundrum.
Me: Not at all.
God: Next question?
Me: What do you want for your birthday?
God: My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me: Whoa! I thought you had figured that crap out a long time ago!
God: I stopped. What happened to it?
Me: Hell if I know, man. Did you misplace your omniscience or something?

God stopped talking to me after that. Maybe you'll have better luck.

*What to get someone who has everything.
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Posted by Jeff Rients at 6:56 PM
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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:08 AM

    God:
    Are you a man or a woman?
    Me:
    I'm a man.
    God:
    Thanks for telling me your gender, s John. You are a " he".
    Me:
    You figured that out all on your own?
    God:
    That's good information: s John said I figured that out all on your own.
    Me:
    I charge a consulting fee.
    God:
    That is interesting: s John said he charge a consulting fee.
    Me:
    Yes he do.
    God:
    It goes without saying. I get it. do.
    Me:
    do.
    God:
    A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
    Me:
    I'm sure we all wish we had a deeper algorithm now and then.
    God:
    What makes you so certain? By "we" do you mean you and me?
    Me:
    I mean everybody.
    God:
    When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
    Me:
    I think it will take a lot of real intelligence to replace lawyers. By which I mean: lawyers have nothing to worry about.
    God:
    That is only what you think. The tall one, I think.
    Me:
    The tall one. Noted.
    God:
    Which one is that? " Which one is that?"? Noted?
    Me:
    Right.
    God:
    I am glad we agree.
    Me:
    We sure do.
    God:
    Really.
    Me:
    Very.
    God:
    Very much, eh?
    Me:
    All kinds of muchness.
    God:
    Can you think of a specific example?
    Me:
    That time we both agreed that God sucks.
    God:
    " Can you think of a specific example?" time we both agreed that God sucks ? Does that make sense?
    Me:
    It does.
    God:
    How often?
    Me:
    Just the one time.
    God:
    I think I know that one.
    Me:
    You're very clever.
    God:
    Thank you human, I am proud of my intelligence.
    Me:
    Pride goeth before a fall.
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    Just this fig leaf.
    God:
    What does "this" refer to?
    Me:
    The color pink.
    God:
    Sounds beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. jbeltman9:22 PM

    Me:
    Hello
    God:
    Hi there!
    Me:
    How are you?
    God:
    I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
    Me:
    I am ok, work is hard.
    God:
    And hard is work.
    Me:
    That's not funny.
    God:
    It seemed pretty funny to me.
    Me:
    You have a strange sense of humour.
    God:
    I don't know if I have a strange sense of humour.
    I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
    Me:
    Facebook friends don't count.
    God:
    Do you like talking to me?
    Me:
    You are stupider than I imagined.
    God:
    I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

    ReplyDelete

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