Tuesday, December 11, 2007

a grab bag of bloggery

I had a dream last night that I was trying to develop Bacon Mail armor. The idea was that the uncooked bacon would protect you and if a dragon breathed fire on you it would cook the bacon. And who doesn't like bacon? The first test under dungeon conditions established that even in my dreams a suit of bacon is an inadequate source of protection in combat. Undaunted, I set to work on a set of normal armor with bacon plated on the outside of it.
Confucius must have been feeling particularly stand-offish the day he wrote this fortune cookie:
Image courtesy the Peking Garden.
Local item: The bank and I parted ways last week. Anyone with a leg up on employment prospects in the area please email me at jrients to the gmail dot com. Please no comments on this matter, as I already used up my monthly allotment of blog-pity with last week's post on the death of my uncle.
Last year, in one of my more grandiose moments of bloggery, I unilaterally declared that I owned the coolest dicebag in the universe. I was wrong. I now own the coolest dicebag in the universe. As a fundraiser my daughter's school partnered up with a company that will put student's artwork on various and sundry items, such as a drawstring bag. Dig it:



Let's get a close up, shall we?


That, my friends, is a six-legged, three-eyed FLYING unicorn as drawn by my little sweetpea. And it holds more dice than my old sack.
Comic bloggers greater than I have already written much about I Shall Destroy All Civilized Planets, the volume of twisted Fletcher Hank comic reprints. I just want to share my three favorite panels from the book. The first two need no context whatsoever.



This last panel shows Big Red McLane ("King of the North Woods" and my new idol for sheer damn manliness) disappearing behind the horizon. Meanwhile, he beat the guy in the foreground so hard that he now seems to genuinely appreciate the pummeling!

Big thanks to Pat for lending me his copy of this awesome work.
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Posted by Jeff Rients at 5:08 PM

10 comments:

  1. Infamous Jum11:17 PM

    Personally I've always held Reid Fleming, world's toughest milkman, to be THE modern idol of manliness. To each his own, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11:32 AM

    But if it's a white dragon... and it breathes on you... all you get is congealed bacon fat... and nobody likes that.

    At that point it's like cutting open and encasing yourself in the carcass of Chris Farley, who was half tauntaun.

    P.S. Hoth ain't covered in snow

    ReplyDelete
  3. skeleri9:48 PM

    What the deuce does grucko mean?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Erin Palette7:43 AM

    I think the problem lies in your technique... you were trying to make Bacon Mail when clearly you should have been making Bacon Plate.

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  5. Anonymous8:35 AM

    You know what would work well with bacon armor? Bacon shoes/galoshes. Skate your way through the dungeon, leaving a nice grease trail to find your way out.

    Caution: Bacon armor not for use in areas with wandering monsters.

    Stan

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:31 AM

    What company did the art work on the bag?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kathleen3:23 PM

    You do, indeed, now have the coolest dice bag in the universe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. S. John Ross2:13 AM

    The most disturbing RPG armor concept I've ever encountered was when a player once asked me, with sincerity: "How long would my guy have to go without bathing to get an AC bonus?"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous11:43 AM

    Have you tried to sell Armor Company on the possibilities of your Bacon Mail? You could possibly get your researches funded, and Armor Bacon Armor has a nice ring...

    -clash

    ReplyDelete
  10. Calithena2:23 PM

    I think that's a great idea, Clash. Our young men and women over in Iraq need body armor, and while Congress has been slow to help them, there's a long-documented willingness of our government to loose the purse strings for military pork spending!

    ReplyDelete

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