a couple of scans

Up first is a page typed up by my buddy Dave back in the 80's. We got into MERP for a while and he put all the Experience Points charts together. In MERP you get XP for just about anything interesting you do: crits to baddies, travelling overland, casting spells, maneuver rolls, killing monsters, even having a good idea.

The blank space in the bottom left has some mostly-erased chicken scratched totalling XPs for Tom, Chris, Eric and Colin.  That's all the regulars in my high school game group except Dave and me.  I think the handwriting is mine, so these numbers probably go back to my run of the starter modules in the back of the MERP rulebook or Bree and the Barrow Downs.  Chris ran some sort of warrior who was always scoping out poisons to put on his spear and Eric had an elf tricked out with max Dex, max bow skill, a crossbow and a single mithril-tipped bolt.  Their master plan invariable involved ambushing the monsters, Eric shooting the most dangerous-looking foe and then Chris poisoning the rest of them.  That campaign only ran maybe 4 to 6 sessions, but it was a lot of fun.  The players soured on the game after running into an enemy sorcerer who knew both Spell Store and Fire Ball.  The result was the entire party taking a C heat critical.

The gang murmured about switching games, so like a bastich I ran Call of Cthulhu next.  That actually went well until Chris's big game hunter used a Yuggothian freeze ray on the warp core of Tsathoggua's spaceship.  Dave's professor was the only one to escape the ensuing explosion.  He got away by throwing himself in a river, but then drowned in the rapids.  Good times.

Next up is a page from Steve Jackson's Fantasy Gamer, issue #3 (1984).  I don't have a story here, I just thought folks would dig a one-page character class that focuses on strangling people.

Sudrai, City of Ten Thousand Wonders, part 1

The most important think you need to know about Sudrai (called Sudraal in some records, and referred to by local farmers as Sudderly) is that while this sprawling city is fixed in time and space like any normal place, its harbor is not.  On any given day most of the ships along the docks of Sudrai are perfectly ordinary medieval merchant cogs and fishing boats, but scattered among them will be a handful of vessels from other times and places.  For example, some of the most exalted families of the city trace their lineages to refugees from the destruction of Atlantis and the sinking of Lyonesse, but ships from those lost civilizations make regular visits to Sudrai.  In the spring the swan ships of the Sidhe will often glide into port, the eldritch barges of Melniboné have been known to trade at Sudrai (often en route to even more enigmatic destinations), and, on certain nights when the moon is full, silent galleys manned by turbanned satyrs will drift down out of the sky.

How this happens is a great mystery, but the why of it is well-established: mithril.  All other known mithril mines are controlled by tight-fisted dwarves who keep all of it locked away in underground treasuries or deep-time elves who think nothing of spending a millennia or two properly smelting it to absolute purity.  The tiny trickle of mithril coming out of Sudrai's mines represents the only known source of the stuff available to the highest bidder.  Thus goods and gold from all over the multiverse pour into Sudrai, creating a glittering metroplis in the middle of what is otherwise an unremarkable island in a crapsack corner of a dung-ridden medieval world.  Peasant farmers living within spitting distance of the walls of Sudrai suffer the same miserable existence as they do everywhere else.  The citizens of Sudrai explain this is because the magic of the harbor extends only so far, but probably they're just selfish bastards who keep all the loot for themselves.

If you hate Rust Monsters and Disenchanters...

...then you'll probably hate this monster too.

Its wordless wail will haunt your nightmares.

Invisible Monster a.k.a. Isaiah's Folly
Hit Dice: 8 
Armor Class: 0 [20] but 4 [16] if visible
# Attacks: 1 baleful eye (30' range)
Damage: d12
Move: 90', ignoring/blasting through many obstacles 
Morale: 10
Save As: F4


This blobby sci-fi creep wanders around, blasting holes in stuff and sucking the energy out of technological devices.  And like a big jerk he does it all while completely invisible.  Rayguns and flashlights and similar small devices take but a single round of his horrid glance to be completely drained.  If they are being held or worn by a character a save versus Death Ray is allowed, but at -4 due to the creature's invisibility.  Larger power sources like big 70's sci-fi computers or giant robots will take d6 rounds to de-power.


The baleful eye power of Isaiah's Folly cannot punch through stone of greater than 1' thickness and the creature probably can't cross water more than a couple feet deep.  Other than those limitations, it is an unstoppable juggernaut of energy-hunger.  In some campaigns this creature might be considered a native of the Negative Energy Plane, which might mean something.  Maybe it can be turned?  Hell if I know.


If you do not recognize the accompanying illo then I charge you with the mission of tracking down a copy of the Jonny Quest  episode "The Invisible Monster".  It is seriously one of the coolest cartoons ever made.


This monster is dedicated to all the FLAILSNAILS referees who had to put up with Philip the Bloody stinking up their campaign with the phaser he found in the Dungeons of Dundagel.

Wizardly Wednesday

...then there was this time that SpongeBob turned into a Rock n Roll Wizard

and saved Bikini Bottom by singing a song about 'goofy goobers', set to

the tune of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock".

55 Small Ads

Back in the day,"Small Ads" was the classifieds section of White Dwarf magazine.  This was back when WD was a general gaming mag.  I don't know if they still put classifieds in the all-GW version nowadays.  The Small Ads ranged from zines and modules from garage outfits, players looking for players (include quite a few painfully obvious 'looking for a D&D girlfriend' ads), clubs announcing meeting times, people looking to buy, sell or swap game crap and help wanted ads for game companies.  A minority of the Small Ads were written in-character, including a few that were obviously campaign communiques from one character to another.

I've lightly edited the 55 most interesting in-character ads and listed them below.  Perhaps the PCs in your campaign could find some of these items posted on the wall of a tavern.  Some will need a little editing, as I left in a few place-names and an occasional mention of a ruleset.  And dates or contact info will need to be added to make some of these work.

1. Celldorin the Great and Highly Unstable would like to announce that Phedia the Red is a fraud and not worthy to be a barbarian.
2. Magic-User seeks halfling to experiment on, also fellow adventurers in the Irvine/Ayr area.
3. Helva. Warning, reversal of forthcoming union with mouse = danger.
4. Loki's daughter and a valet without hindrance; together they will prove your equal.
5. The Kulgarian Empire wishes to open trade relations with the peoples of the galaxy.
6. Meaty Bovril seeks fun but intelligent party in Fareham area.
7. Ashmire the Terrible, King of Thieves is slain. The Underworld Guild is finished. Victory to Ronin Stormhammer, Barbarian Lord of Gulgaros.
8. Felin Khuzkill can nobble the fool elf any day. Omar better watch his back as well.
9. Zinnlead the Assassin for hire to AD&D, RQ, Traveller or any other worlds.
10. Rogue seeks other rogues (females?) in Ipswich area.
11. Grendel is finally and completely dead. RIP. Celebrations start next month. Bad luck Mark.
12. Help! Old Alchemist with experience in both Traveller and D&D living in isolated hollow without transport.
13. Frantic addict begs to be attacked by adventurers following involuntary exile.
14. Under-Achieving Dwarf seeks opportunity for advancement
15. The Great Weapontake of Barad-Dur - Small parties of six requested to take part.
16. Help - Phoenix II is wandering helplessly through Av-Kodar, and experienced help gratefully received.  Only just heard of Glovers resurrection.
17. Wanted - Female barbarian needed to help kill things in various West London dungeons!  Own cave and magic sword to talk to.  Apply Tolvar Halflip.
18. Emigrants from Wessex seek new roles.
19. Glastor the Bloody needs help - This noble paladin calls for any adventurers in the St. Albans area.
20. Applicants for God Empress of the World now being accepted.  Also needed -- Generals, Mercenary Captains and Orc Warlords.
21. Recruits Wanted - The Blue Regiments are looking for recruits anywhere in the country.
22. Overworked druid seeks adventurers in the Nuneaton area.
23. Serak the ex-illusionist has defected.
24. Honesty, a female halfling thief recently transported to Orton, seeks dungeon adventurers in Ptersborough area.
25. Help! Small mercenary company needs more recruits and someone to fight for!
26. Recuits Wanted! Lord Capell's Regiment. Pikemen, Dragoons, Musketeers and Camp Followers are required.
27. Crasimoff's get rich quick scheme!  Would you like to take part in the sacking of a town?  A castle?  Want to get rich quick?  Send details of your party (size, spells, position, etc.) to Morlock's Marauders.
28. Magic-User requires other participants who would like to form a group.
29. Azaqual, Lord of Belegost, skilled engineer/miner, has retired at last to design any complex wanted.
30. Dragons on the Hill near New Cross Road.
31. Wanted: Spells. Rooneo Redno has a complete set of magic-user and illusionist spells.  She now wants to get hold of all the new spells out and about.
32. Dragon For Sale - serious offers only
33. Experienced giant killer seeks adventurers
34. Help!  Grom the nimble and young gnome illusionist/thief seeks adventurers
35. Whoops!  Small group misuses Amulet of Planar Travel and loses itself on the Elemental Plane of Air.  New ideas and personnel required urgently to bring them down on earth.
36. Elven magic-user and monk looking for fellow adventurers to help destroy evil in Kilmarnock area.
37. Sons of Sammy Hughes - Hail Na-Stobe and Karleck - Nia Gib laughs at you in his temple whilst time accelerates. Bring your water boots. Emain Brule.
38. Hail Mantas... The Overlord awaits you in the Citadel of Death. Load up your bolt pistol and fly to victory. Seek knowledge from the Master Valkyrie. Heed my call. Macross.
39. Lord Cashtack (leader of men) requires dwarves to torment. Massacres and tortures a speciality.
40. Challenge! Ogawa Yatsuburo, a great silver petal bushi of Iajima Province and son of O Yoshimura, scourge of mongol fiends, desires revenge upon the micreant inhabitants of the barbarian ronin's mansion.
41. Help! Desperate group of plunderers seek new comrades in Berkhamstead area.  Ezrad's a maladjusted psycho, Mahni's missing an arm and an eye, great company!
42. Challenge! - We Immortals challenge all adversaries to a tournament.  Battle against Grendel, Thor, bane of all things nasty, Obsidian Dragon Slayer and Thorongil the Necromancer.
43. Greetings, noble lords and ladies. Newly ordained cleric seeks gallant allies to defeat vile monsters, to strive for right, and possibly, to start a group in Croydon.
44. Mystic Crystal - Thought they sought to bind me with incantations most foul and magics whose roots rest in the black bowels of hell, they could not hope to prevail.  For I, Basalneep the Mysterious, did possess a tome of wondrous wisdom, Mystic Crystal.
45. Royal Decree.  Duke Amorcaller of Porxan declares that it is time for a festival.
46. Can anyone help a lonely Lord and Rune Priest exterminate the local hordes of evil?
47. A quiet spell in life. Are there any older sorcerers out there looking for an apprentice?
48. Announcement! Valian, watch Rodnar, it is in the near future. Be on your guard in the Seven Heavens! You too, you members of the Black Chasm!
49. Obituary. In memorium of Randulf Scutter, beloved of the Glericion family, who dies tragically at the hands of thieves whilst in the service of Vardis Glericion, Knight of the Holy Crusade. He will be greatly missed.
50. Announcement!  Thador (the Blue) Clearsoul would like to publicly announce that Koran Skullsmasher's mother was a half-bred orc with a limp and an embarrassing birthmark which I (due to a payoff to a dubious assassin) know that she has passed down.
51. Thoggin Slytongue hereby declares two deaths, one regretfully and t'other long overdue. Celrond Goblinsbane, fellow adventurer, assassinated by the Scarlet Brotherhood, and that pig Aranen Silverleaf, killed by mine own gnomish hands. Rot in Hell, Arabonc.
52. Belated Anniversary Greetings Congratulations Ranorah and Berni on your first wedding anniversary. All the gang wish you many more. Remember Wersi and the black gem?  Have you tired of the quiet life? Join us next month. Tarsha, Gollum and Tymore.
53. Sorry!  The Rheinrhelm Travellers humbly apologize for the accidental annihilation of the City of Greyhawk in CY578 during dragon training. We console them with the knowledge that the twelve dragons involved passed all their tests.
54. Hail Worthy Paladins, Honourable Cavaliers If though be in dire need of a goodly companion, why not scribe to Tancred the Templar?
55. Loegre.  Caliburn King of Arms is commanded to announce Dundalin Tournament, Chivalry please attend. Sir Donaud le Dense, bring your varlets.

Pretty cool, huh?  There's scads of adventure hooks and NPC concepts in these tiny items.

Finally, here's a scan of my favorite gaming club listing, with the contact info clipped.

I may have to use the Church of Yurinn in a campaign sometime.

A Contest for You!

Have fun!  Win fabulous prizes!  Enjoy the respect of some guy and the folks who read his blog!

The Lamentations of the Reskinned Princess Art Fiasco Contest!


Step One: Go get the free 'no art' PDF version of the Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Role-Playing: Grindhouse Edition Rules and Magic book.  Here's a direct link.

Step Two: Find either a single page or a two-page spread (even page left, odd page right) with some text and some empty space for art.

NOTE 1: You can't choose entirely blank pages or the pages that just say "Dwarf", "Elf", etc., but are otherwise blank.

Step Three: Get some art all up in there.  You can print, draw on it and send me the scanned results or do the whole thing on your computer.  You may do original work or appropriate some appropriate material.  Do not alter the text.

Step Four: Email me the results: jrients at the gmail to the dot com.  By doing so you are granting me the rights to post what you send here on the Gameblog.

Step Five: Get judged by me!  Things I will be looking at include: do I find it aesthetically pleasing?  Does the art fit the selected text?  Would substituting this stuff into the rulebook make LotFP author/publisher Jim Raggi's head asplode?

NOTE 2: I will be grading on a bit of a curve here: if you botched the placement of a graphic a bit or there's some jpeg fuzz I won't toss it in the bin if the idea is clever.

NOTE 3: The point is to produce alternatives to the horrific art in the full-fledged edition (as mocked here), not to emulate or outdo the real art.  I want to be amused or intrigued by your submission, not grossed out.

Step Six: Win a prize (or don't).  I will be awarding at least three prizes, a minimum of one in each judging category:  Amateur Original Art,  Amateur Appropriated Art, and Pro/Pro-Am Original Art.  Or as I like to call them, Crayon Doodle-Horrors, Sucking Up To Jeff Via Ripping Off Erol Otus, and Hey My Art Appears In Real RPG Books But I Like Prizes Too.


The prizes consist of grab-bag type gobs of gaming stuff, mailed to you by me.  (Yes, I will send the prizes to Foreignlandia.)  Here's what I've got so far:


The Boxed Set Bonanza - Four boxed sets and one hardbound book, all slightly used but in excellent shape, all for D&D type things.  Pick a set of rules and you could run a pretty wicked campaign using this stuff all together.  Since the box to hold all this crap is slightly to large, I've also thrown in like eight or nine trashy fantasy and sci-fi novels that I bought for a song at various secondhand joints and have never gotten around to reading.


The Hardbound Hoard - Four or five (I forget) hardbound D&D type books in great to near-mint condition.  There's rules, campaign materials and monsters.  Also, there's a boxed set of another entire RPG, because hey, why not.  Again, the padding consists of various old genre novels.


The Minibox of Mystery - This is a smaller box, so I put smaller stuff in it, i.e. digest sized.  There's a could three small but complete roleplaying games, a couple of wargamy things, some enigmatic cards, a few dice and even a couple of collectible items.  No novel since this box is so small.


What'll happen is that the Amateur Original Art winner will get first pick of the grabbags, the Amateur Appropriated Art winner will get second pick and the Pro will get third pick.  If I scrounge up some more boxes maybe I'll award some additional prizes.


NOTE 4:  This contest not associated with or approved by Jim Raggi.  Also, he is not allowed to enter this contest cause that would be weird.  Sorry, dude.

NOTE 5: All submissions must be in my mailbox by one week from today, so get crackin'!

Simplified Wound Weeds & Hit Point Shenanigans

"Wounds and Weeds: Plants that can help keep characters alive" by Kevin J. Anderson appeared in Dragon #82, February 1984 and was reprinted in one of the Best of collections.  It had some good ideas in it for using detailed herbalism in a D&D setting, but was just a bit too cumbersome for my tastes.  Here's my attempt to cut it down to a manageable size.

Adder's Tongue Tea - Doubles natural healing for the day consumed.  25gp buys enough to make into 20 cups of tea.

Birthwort Poultice - Grants a second saving throw against poisons if applied within one round, magic poisons and venom from weird or magical monsters excluded.  15gp per poultice.

Comfrey Root - Heals d4 damage to one wound if applied within one round. 10gp per root.

Dried Bogmoss - Doubles natural healing for up to d4 days. 10gp per bunch.

Garlic Juice - If applied bodily has a 50% chance of repelling insects.  Applied locally it heals one point per each insect sting or bite.  May ward off vampies.  7gp per vial.

Juniperberry Paste - Mash into mouth to grant d4-1 points to any character that is unconscious or at death's door, but further strenuous activity that day will do d4 more damage.  Elves are affected as if by a love/lust potion unless they save versus poison.  15gp per per dose, worth 10 times as much to some elves.

Kingscandle Flowers in Wine - A vial of this painkiller will remove 1 hit point of damage from d4 wounds.  8gp per vial.

Marshwort Leaf - Cures d3 damage, cuts and punctures only. 5gp per leaf.

Saintswort in Wine - Pour onto a single wound, which will be healed d4 points.  10gp per vial.

Sweetweed Poultice - Heals d2 damage on a burn-based wound. 5gp per poultice.

The prices are completely bogus, by the way.  Anderson didn't give any so I just plugged some half-assed numbers in there.  Assume they include a ridiculous mark-up for rude adventurers flush with cash.  Also, don't assume that all herbs are equally available everywhere.

To make some of these work hit points need to be tracked on a 'per wound' basis.  Here is how that would work.  Get out a separate scrap of paper and mark it up like so:

THORGAR'S HIT POINTS    MAX = 24

slashed by orc scimitar 4
punched by angry jester 2
torch to face 6

Now you know that Marshwort Leaf can help with the orc-inflicted cut an Sweetweed applied to the face will soothe what ails you.  Magical healing should probably be applied to one wound at a time.  If you heal a whole wound, any overage can be applied to the next one. Natural healing is distributed randomly.

A five point Cure Light Wounds might be shown like this:

THORGAR'S HIT POINTS    MAX = 24

slashed by orc scimitar 4
punched by angry jester 2 0
torch to face 6 3

Thorgar's player is obviously expecting that Marshwort to help with the orc-slash.

Optional Rule: Any single wound of six points or more is considered a severe wound and incapacitates the character for a -1 to-hit and saves.  The penalty is removed when the wound is reduced to 5 points or less.  That ought to give the players an additional complication to worry about when healing people.

For even more fun track the wounds received and healed on a single record you keep for an entire campaign.